Once we were heavily vaccinated and boosted, Dani and I decided to sneak away to Las Vegas, once with her bestie, and then again on our own. Both trips had their own delights and bummers, but we left much wiser (and not too much poorer).

Here are 10 takeaways, 5 positive and 5 negative, shaped by our own nerdy experiences. We hope you'll either gain some insight or find our foibles amusing.

The Bathtub Fizz, left (Gin, Sloe Gin, Aperol, Sugar, Lemon, Egg White, Bitter) and the Clover Club, right (Gin, Lillet, Lavender, Raspberry, Lemon, Egg White) at The Underground at The Mob Museum. If you know the password and find the secret door, you can visit this Prohibition-inspired bar without museum admission.

😋 Yum #1: Speakeasies

For the Nerd Who Drinks (such as myself), Las Vegas offers a multitude of alcoholic concoctions for your recreational imbibing. I'm not in my prime-est of primes these days, so I have to be a little more tactical about my choices, skirting away from the more sugar-laden slushie-style drinkies, ala Senor Frog's or Fat Tuesday's. Instead, Dani and I delved into the beautiful and whimsical speakeasy scene that exists on the Strip. She'll undoubtedly do a deeper dive into this, but the Cosmopolitan had multiple speakeasies that we visited and were delightful. Also, Here Kitty Kitty Vice Den at Resorts World is dope.

Dani “won big” with “800 credits” in a slot machine on The Strip. Don’t get excited. It was about $4.

🤢 Yuck #1: Gambling on The Strip

We knew going into our Vegas trip, that we would do a smidge of gambling. Neither of us are aggressively opposed, we just went in knowing the odds were against us, and that we'd probably be spending the money to play games, rather than hoping to leave with a win. I think that psychology makes the experience more fun.

That being said, I'm not the most socially adept, and there's something supremely intimidating about the pace at which Vegas operates, as though it hopes to take advantage of your newness and uncertainty. So when I finally worked up the courage to sit at a Blackjack table, it was on The Strip, with one other gent at the table and $25 minimum per hand. I was immediately reluctant, which led the other player to try to scare me off by encouraging me to find another table. So welcoming. Had I disrupted some sacred code? Was he counting cards? I don't know. I don't really care. He was a huge wanker, and it immediately killed the vibe for me.

That was the first and last live table game I played on that trip.

If you're a comfortable gambler and know the ropes, or maybe just don't care as much what other people think, then this is probably not a deal breaker for you. But if you're like me, and the social aspects of gambling at a card table seem mildly sweat-inducing, then I recommend avoiding The Strip, where the minimums are higher, or at the very least avoiding the busier times - Friday & Saturday evenings.

Sure, there are pros and cons on Freemont Street. But on a weekday afternoon, we reallyliked the casual vibe and friendly service.

😋 Yum #2: Gambling on Freemont Street

On a separate visit, we decided to walk Fremont Street, or "Old Vegas." This is definitely the cheaper side of town, about a 10 minute rideshare from The Strip. It's a walking avenue full of buskers and overpriced knick-knacks, and you can find one of those sugar-loaded booze tubes every few feet. My favorite activity was riding the outdoor escalator to a platform that you could only exit by walking through the casino (brilliance). I thought I'd find Fremont Street even more unwelcoming, but I actually had a great time gambling there. The minimums were lower, and on a Monday during the day, it was sparsely populated. On top of that, all the waitresses found us instantly. The drinks were probably pretty watered down, but we got 7 or 8 during our time there, versus the one I got while playing games on The Strip the entire evening before.

My advice? If you want to try gambling, set a daily limit for yourself, don't abuse it, and walk away if you get a big win. Consider less busy, more welcoming casinos like those on Freemont. And know you will never beat the House. If you want decent odds, I'd recommend learning blackjack or craps. The slot machines will eat your money fast and in deceptive denominations, but Dani loves them anyway because of the flashy themes and colors.

I should add that gambling can be a real addiction, and this isn't a recommendation to gamble. Know the odds, know what you're getting into, and get help if you start "chasing that feeling."

This is an incredible piece of original art inside Superfrico restaurant at The Cosmopolitan made entirely of currency. Is there anything more Vegas than literally cutting up money to make something that looks hip? We think not. Goodbye, money.

🤢 Yuck #2: Hidden Casino Expenses

All of the casino hotels charges "resort fees." You'll discover that when you book, they add about $100 minimum to the cost of the room.

But what's less obvious are the other sneaky costs: drinks and snacks in your hotel room that will be charged to your account if you pick them up; overpriced hotel convenience stores; a limit on the number of Wi-Fi connections; and deceptive live show pricing. Also, if you're playing floor games, the gaming payout machines also don't pay out coins. So if you're like us, you'll accumulate a stack of receipts worth less than a dollar each, which can only be cashed at Cashier counters in the appropriate casinos.

Last but not least, avoid casino ATMs. They have really high processing fees. If you're going to get cash, get it at a bank ATM or bring it with you.

In a nutshell, plan on surprise expenses on The Strip. Vegas, baby.

A don’t miss at Area 15 is Lost Spirits Distillery Tour. Advance recommendations are recommended, so if this is a Yum you want to check out for your next trip, book those resies!

😋 Yum #3: Area 15

Area 15 is a large complex off-strip with various art installations and experiences. There are some stores, some places to get drinks, Meow Wolf's OmegaMart, and the Lost Spirits Distillery.

We were fans of the Lost Spirits Distillery tour, which served up some mean rum samples that definitely meant business. It’s a distellery tour in every sense of the word, so don’t expect mixers or cocktail flights. You’ll essentially be sipping straight rum the whole time. Lost Spirits also provided some cool environments and unique entertainment that I won't go into because I don't want to ruin the surprises! If you're curious, check out their website.

We also tried OmegaMart, which is intriguing for a lark. We spent maybe an hour or so here wandering their immersive art installation. We paid extra for the story experience and didn't love it because we didn't find any sense of completion or closure. But it’s definitely a uniquely Vegas experience and - bonus - there’s a themed bar tucked in the back of the grocery store.

Someone told us before our trip that Excalibur was one of the smokiest on The Strip. They were not wrong. Ye old ashtray smell.

🤢 Yuck #3: Smoking

Being a late 80s baby in SoCal, I managed to dodge the majority of the liberal public smoking. Nowadays, smoking areas are a bit more obscure and separated from everything. But Vegas is the hold-out. Many of the casinos allow smoking indoors, and the older ones all smell like stale cigarettes. That goes for a lot of the hotels as well.

We leaned in favor of the hotels that were strictly non-smoking (MGM Signature & Park MGM), and preferred the newer or cleaner casinos that weren't harboring decades of tobacco smoke.

If you're a smoker, though, then you'll love it! Smoke lots of places all you want, as long as it's not the Devil's Lettuce! Recreational cannabis is legal in Vegas, but cannot be consumed in casino hotels or public.

Call us basic if you want. But this giant portion of delicious chiliquiles for less than $20 is one of the greatest deals in Las Vegas. It was delicious. The servers were so nice. And a mound of breakfast nachos will cure anything that ails you. 10/10. Would recommend.

😋 Yum #4: Dope Eats

Dani and I love eating. Love it. If we had the metabolism and budget, we would eat way more than we do when we travel. Vegas has a beautiful array of cuisine, and some excellent restaurants. We picked out about a dozen eateries ahead of time, and just grabbed something if we were in the right place at the right time.

A few of our favorite bites we discovered this year:

Hash House A Go Go, The Plaza (Pork Chilaquiles)
Springleaf Prata Place, Resorts World (Chicken Curry)
Crack Shack, Park MGM (Señor Croque, Mini Biscuits)
Golden Tiki Brunch (Mermaid Lisa’s Hot Tots)
Superfrico, The Cosmopolitan (Pistachio Mortadella Square)
Flights, Miracle Mile (French Toast Flight)

We tend to prefer quirky grab-and-go eats over celebrity chef dens or gourmet restaurants, but there truly is something for everyone in Vegas.

A whole Vegas Strip for a bunch of randos to roam around on.

🤢 Yuck #4: Walking The Strip Outdoors

Fifteen years ago, if you walked the sidewalks along The Strip, guys would be cramming callgirl slips in your hand or trying to give you their demo CD. I remember seeing a guy with a cardboard box hustling Three-Card Monte. As of 2022, the new vibe is the occasional live performer and lots of ladies in skimpy costumes, who will take a picture with tourists and then ask for a tip.

You also get your regular blitzed stumblers and vomiters, raucous bachelorette parties, or bro-torcades.

It's a fascinating watch, but it can be pretty exhausting for the introverts among us. Also keep a wary eye, because stuff does get nabbed if you're inattentive. On top of all that, it's usually an awful dry desert heat or biting cold.

My recommendation? Use the free monorail, cross through the indoor connections and/or use rideshare, when you can.

If you ever wanted to know what it was like to follow the Green Fairy into a bizarre circus fever dream, have we got a show recommendation for you!

😋 Yum #5: Showtime!

We loved the variety of shows available in Vegas. There's Cirque du Soleil, stand-up, magic, burlesque, whatever floats your boat. We caught the bawdy “Absinthe” at Caesar's Palace and “Opium” at Superfrico in The Cosmopolitan, both produced by Spiegelworld. I don't know if I would necessarily recommend these shows to the average nerd, but they are a spectacle to behold. They both definitely dabble in the wildly irreverent, and if that’s something that intrigues you, give them a go!

There are also great Cirque shows and incredible performers-in-residency. Just make sure to check who's playing on what nights.

🤢 Yuck #5: Hotel Noise

On our first trip, we stayed at MGM Signature. It turned out to be close to a TopGolf and a night club that was apparently raging all night, because it was quite loud.

So was all of Vegas, I guess.

When we stayed at Park MGM, our neighbors were loudly boom-banging. Sexually. I mean, good for them, but not my typical white noise.

This is probably a no-brainer, but don't expect it to be quiet in your hotel when you finally sack out. We recommend bringing earplugs or running a phone app for white or gray noise. It can be pretty disruptive spending the night in Sin City.

So that's it! In conclusion, Vegas can be a fun time for the uninitiated, but more fun for the casually prepared. Stay hydrated, don't lose your shirt, expect it to cost more than you expect, and above all, have fun!

Top 5 yums and yucks from getting nerdy in Vegas